I found this video via estifi and it’s pretty great but I kept expecting that it would turn out to be the background beats to a more epic rap battle of the alphabets. When that didn’t happen, I wrote one. Behold.
You people wanna write a word You people wanna write a sound Well your alphabet’s absurd So you people goin’ down!
You wanna write interdental fricatives In your English orthography But you can’t tell voiced from voiceless In your ridiculous typography
Yo, I’m the kinda writing system Y’always wished you had in school Yo, you’ll never need a spelling bee ‘Cause I don’t break no rules
Yeah ‘cause I’m the IPA And all my symbols are unique Your Latin alphabet’s so tiny I’ve got all of that plus Greek!
You still sing your ABCs? Hah, well you won’t get so far Yo, my vowels are a trapezoid You rip off twinkle little star
You put an accent on café? And you say that’s diacritic-al? I got two types of tone markers Well now you’re just dia-pitiful
K, I think I’m getting gloat-y And you know that’s not my wish Imma go play with my ghoti Oh wait I mean my FISH